– Am I Living My Best Life? –

Nothing is more important than being honest with myself. To be appreciative of my good qualities, aware of my faults, and sincere enough about self-improvement to leverage one against the other. To be honest about what I need to be happy; not what social media says is cool, but the elements of life that spark my curiosity, animate my days, and call me to action.

People wonder why I left civilization to live alone in a mountain wilderness. They are amazed and confused by the seemingly drastic decision to leave everything I had acquired in my life for a barren existence in isolation. I had money, homes, cars, a fine business… from the outside looking in, my life was successful by every modern metric.

After a divorce, however, my perspective changed. I realized that much of what I considered important in my life was established in childhood… like everyone everywhere. Get educated (or serve your country), get married and buy a home, have children and send them to college, work all your life and hope to retire. Most of my life had been committed to striving for that contemporary definition of success.

Of course, I was satisfied and proud of my accomplishments, but could no longer find the motivation to persist. The path I was walking was no longer the path of choice for me. I played well the part of Business Man and Family Man, but there was more to me than those things. Only by being honest with myself was I able to make the changes necessary to find new happiness.

Had to Leave to Learn

I went to the mountains for a couple of reasons; to remove the noise of outside influence and create the quiet I needed to think. In the city, too many people peppered me with their truths, values, and opinions. Not just those with whom I worked, but voices on television, in the media, and on the street. It was incessant and influenced my subconscious thinking. In the wild, I could lose myself in the quiet and observe a world more transparent and true. It was a place uninhabited by man, and I wanted to rejoin that world. As extreme as the transition appeared (to me as well as my friends), I knew in my heart that I needed to regroup.

It might be permanent, maybe temporary; I didn’t know at the start. It was an experiment with my life. I changed something and would observe the result… free to change my mind and choose a different future. However romantic the notion, I would not wander forever in the primal paradise of the Frank Church Wilderness. I could not fulfill a meaningful purpose in life by hiding out in the forest. Sooner or later, a return to society was inevitable.

Being honest with myself, however, I realized that I had to let go of my past to move forward. I could not advance if burdened with material reminders of the life I left behind. Memories I could keep; everything else had to go.

Strip Away the Façade

It had took a lot of work on eBay and Craig’s List, but I emptied a house full of stuff and turned it into money for the next chapter of my life. So many things with which I identified gone… no longer a part of me… no longer mine. At first I felt a sense of loss but realized quickly how little it meant to me. I sold the furniture, gave away my music collection and recording equipment, and hauled carloads of clothes to the local donation bin.

I moved my money to a new account with a single debit card and cancelled my phone contract. There would be no texts or voice mails off the grid. Same thing with email; I left an auto-responder saying that I was gone on sabbatical with no anticipated time of return. I had vocationally, socially, and personally ‘let go’. By ridding myself of all material possessions, I earned the freedom I needed to follow adventure wherever it might take me.

However non-sensical to my family and friends, I knew that my actions were necessary to live the life I imagined. My old life was over; the years spent trying to salvage it were better invested in my future. The potential consequences of the divestment could prove disastrous but never regrettable because I was being honest with myself.

Not Easy Being Honest

It was not easy. There was some risk. Though I detailed a plan for my exit from society, there was no plan for the future. I placed my well-being in God’s hands. A lifetime of adventure prepared me but did not guarantee success or survival. But when my old life began to unravel, I had an unequalled opportunity to build a new one. Only by metaphorically emptying my cup could I refresh it. In theory, it sounded simple; in reality, it was a brutal transition.

For years, I lived alone in the wilderness. It is no exaggeration to say that I spent months in isolation. Without human contact or conversation, my thoughts were mine alone. No one to tell me how I felt, what I needed, or who I was… completely free to live the life I imagined.

The work of survival was demanding. My mind was free but my old body laboured hard living in the wild. The extremes in weather and living conditions were felt in my bones. But I was happy… being honest with myself and acting on it was an experience that changed my life. And it continues; one adventure leads to the next, even all these years later.

Live the Life You Imagine

My years alone with wilderness taught me that the world didn’t really need me; I was free to follow my interests. We all have a responsibility to contribute to the world’s maintenance, of course… but that is best accomplished on your path to happiness. That is where you are most creative, most energetic, and best aligned with the world around you.

If there’s a thread that runs through all of this, it’s this: your life will never truly feel like yours until you tell yourself the truth. Not the truth that sounds impressive at a business meeting, not the truth that earns likes, not the truth you inherited from your hometown or your timeline… but the truth that makes you exhale when you admit it.

Start small if you have to: one quiet decision, one honest sentence. Ask yourself, “Am I building a life I’ll remember… or a life I’ll regret? “

The vast organizing intelligence of the universe steers the attentive person. Look around. Then take the next step.

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