– See the Donut, Not the Hole –

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I had money for food or fuel, but not enough for both. It would be a few days until my Social Security check arrived; the couple dozen dollars left in my account would finance a trip to town but there would be nothing left for groceries.

“Payin’ dues,” I reminded myself… though it was of little consolation.

The Price of Success

There was snow on the ground and ice in the Salmon River. There was still ice in my cooler, but only four strips of bacon and three eggs to last until payday. Fortunately, I had a couple freeze-dried trail meals stashed in my backpack. I closed the lid on the cooler and walked to the back of my truck, climbed over the tailgate, and shut the topper behind me.

It was cramped but cozy. I’d built a raised platform in the truck bed for the summer’s road trip. Books, booth banners, and all my gear was organized under the wooden frame, and a queen-size mattress covered the top. A down sleeping bag and two wool blankets kept me warm; the topper kept me dry. I’d sleep until I could afford to do more.

It was November 2019. I committed to becoming a successful author six month earlier but had not yet attained my goal. The summer was spent traveling the country… attending art festivals, gun shows, and civic events where I could set up a booth and sell books. Sometimes I made enough money to stay in a hotel for the weekend, but I usually camped in my truck somewhere close to town (or between towns while traveling).

When the event season ended in September, I spent a month in the Utah Canyonlands. Then I returned to Idaho to prepare for my last winter adventure in the Frank Church Wilderness. I planned to go backcountry in December and do the ‘mountain man’ thing again; another winter alone in the wilds of Idaho, another experience to share in a book.

Homeless by Choice

Until then, I was homeless by choice. It didn’t make sense to rent a place; in six weeks, I’d be in a tent until April. Besides, an unexpected brake job on my pickup left me with little money for lodging. In fact, I was too broke to do anything but wait for my next check.

I was hungry but not depressed. When payday arrived, I would be back ‘on plan’. I’d fill the truck with fuel and the cooler with food, and have plenty of both to meet my needs until I provisioned for my winter adventure. Between my pension and the royalties my books were beginning to generate, my bank account would fatten up while I camped in the wilderness that winter. Times were hard but I believed in my plan.

Looking back, I am amazed at the way things developed. Not ‘according to plan’; in fact, the only part of the original scheme that came to fruition was the winter alone in a tent in The Frank. My plan to reengage with the world that following Spring was short-circuited by the arrival of COVID-19 in March 2020. The pandemic met me in New York and sent me back to Idaho with my head in my hands and my bank account (once again) depleted. I felt like giving up, but knew enough about success to know that sometimes we realize our goals in unexpected ways. Our dreams manifest themselves, but not always the way we plan. I persisted and the cosmos cooperated.

Persistence is Rewarded

Five years later, I am a successful author. Each of my books has reached Kindle #1 Bestseller status and, between the royalties and my pension, I am blessed with financial security. There are eggs and bacon in my refrigerator, and Bailey’s for my coffee. I live in a house where I am warm and dry all year long. And greater than all those blessings is the unexpected gift of love I found along the way.

Some call it Luck… and that’s part of it. Good luck and bad luck, too. It was bad luck that my plan for new life met with the COVID-19 pandemic. Bad luck that the world closed its doors on me only after my investment in a well-planned future was locked in and irrecoverable.

Good luck that I got out of New York and back to Idaho before the worst of the restrictions prevented it. And good luck that I found a cheap place to live while I recovered from the financial setback. It was bad luck that four months of savings vaporized in a couple weeks, forcing me to tuck into a small cabin and write for the next year. But good luck that the sparse lifestyle allowed me enough time to complete two new books… and good luck that the world turned to books (among other things) to deal with its forced confinement; my books began selling like never before.

Never Give Up

Some people see the donut; some just see the hole. I learned over the course of a long difficult life that seeing the donut is better (even if you don’t get to eat it right away). I believe that the things we think about happen in our lives, so we’re wise to dwell on good things. Being optimistic is a conscious choice; not a character trait. Sometimes it needs reinforcement… little reminders that help us resist the natural tendency to let heavy things weigh us down. And the most important thing to remember is to persist.

Success in life is not about preparation. It’s not about lucky breaks. It’s about staying the course… even when you give your best and come up short. When you wake up the next day resolved to make it happen and come up short again. When no one knows or really cares, and you choose to persevere. It’s about being the hardest-headed SOB on the path you’re on and – even in the face of another heartbreaking setback – moving forward with your dream. That’s what success is all about and, in your darkest moment, I wish you much success.

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